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Turn Inward


The day was October 5, 2012 and I just had my prenatal appointment with Heidi. The pain I was in was pretty bad and consistent, so as I was driving home I was unsure of whether I was in labor or not. This was my 4th child and all of the other 3 came 1 day over my due date so I was expecting this baby to come 1 day over as well which would have been the 9th. I grabbed lunch on the way home for myself and my 3 year old daughter. I got home at around 1 pm and was still in pain and decided to try and time them, as I didn't want to waste Heidi's time or get my husband home from work for nothing. It seemed like some kind of cycle was forming so I made all my calls out. I started filling my pool, the first time I'd get to use one for labor, and it was unbearable to stand there and fill it. 

Lucky Heidi came in 10 minutes and took over. My husband came home and immediately had to leave and pick up my eldest from school. Finally the pool was ready and though it didn't take away all the pain it really took the edge off. Heidi really was tuned in to my needs and was there with a cool cloth for my neck, a drink or a snack and I didn't even have to say a word (I turn inward when I'm in pain). My little one kept trying to jump in to the pool with me. I felt guilty at this point because I know she'll no longer be the baby of the family. 

The water is too hot for her so she runs around the pool and stops every now and then and tries talking to me. I can't focus on her at this point and my son (who at some point arrived home from school) tries to keep her occupied and away from me. I read a bunch before labor about having an orgasmic birth and that  pain in labor is just a learned state of mind but try as I might I was in so much pain. My mother came over and was nervously cleaning my house, my husband was sitting on the couch looking lost and my 2 kids keep checking on me nervously. Heidi checked me and I was 8 cm. 

The pain was getting really intense and I moved from sitting to onto my hands and knees. Not long after that my body started pushing even though my water hadn't broke yet. I felt a baby crowning as I pushed and broke my water. I'm not sure how many pushes but it wasn't long and the baby really started to crown. I felt the ring of fire and I knew I had torn.  

Heidi guided my baby up from behind to me and I held and saw him first and let everyone know he was a he.  I wanted to do delayed cord clamping but I never put 2 and 2 together and never realized that by doing so my boy wouldn't cry until it was cut. All my kids cried right away and I had it embedded in my mind that babies should cry when they're born. Heidi tried to reassure me but I couldn't shake it that things were fine. Heidi cleared his lungs to make me feel better. I feel silly about this now and frustrated about these preconceptions that society gives us. 

Grayson James joined this world at 4:05 pm weighing 8 lbs 3 oz and 20 1/2" long. 

This birth was my best experience by far for many reasons. The care I received throughout the pregnancy, during labor and postpartum was a million times better than what I ever received from an obstetrician

I thank God that Heidi took me as a patient and I hope that one day midwives will be the standard route of care with all healthy pregnancies.